Saturday, January 20, 2007

North Korea’s 007, a currently very popular short movie by some Chinese netizens, mocks Kim Jong Il and his secret agent buying Hennessy XO wine from Chinese black market.

As of 3:27 AM, January 20, 2007, China Standard Time, the movie has been watched 1,993,567 times on a single site (6rooms.com) and received 1620 comments.

The talks between the North Koreans are in English; the talks between the agent and the Chinese are in Chinese (now featuring English subtitles). The story part situated in China is as follows:

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

The agent first went to a grocery where he didn’t find XO, then to a wine store which sells XO, but he complained about the price being much more expensive than the price quoted on the Internet. His accent surprised a girl who recognized his North Korean identity and the saleswoman rejected his buying due to “resulting UN security council penalty.” The agent left the store and a white-coated fat man (a black market wine seller) and a black-coated man followed.

The agent checked in at a hotel and received 3 phone calls; one from his commander urging him forward on the mission, one from a whore offering “special service” (to whom the agent replied with “Yes, I need, I need a bottle of XO!”), and one from the fat man asking him to go to a disco bar for XO trading. He went to the bar and watched the fat man dancing to “We Were Forced to Be Gangs” (the music is Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”). The fat man found the agent’s money was fake (which the agent explained was because North Korea wanted to “ease the pressure that the hostile West put on China for currency appreciation”) and a fight ensued. The fat man was defeated and said “Your country is not based on honesty” while the agent said in his mind, “No honesty for your revisionist country.”

The agent is about to cross the China-North Korea border and the black-coated man caught up and defeated him by breaking his “Kim Jong Il medal” (which is a devastating psychological strike to North Koreans). The black-coated man revealed himself to be George W. Bush and some Chinese bystanders questioned him on why he hung Saddam (“One Saddam is down but a million Saddams will be up!”) and drove him away. The curious Chinese bystanders accidentally broke the agent’s XO which resulted in another devastating episode. The white-coated fat man reappeared and said he saw the whole event and was impressed by the agent and gave away another bottle of XO to him.

The agent returned to North Korea and presented the XO to Kim Jong Il (on their way to Kim’s residence their eyes were covered in order not to “give the Americans a chance to pinpoint Kim’s precise location”). Kim immediately died because the wine was faked and poisonous.